There are many things that I am scared to do wrong when I grow up. Am I going to marry the right girl so i don't get a divorce? Am i going to pay all the bills so i have a good credit score? Am i going to raise my children right? Am i even going to go to collage? What job am i even going to get? Am i going to have fun? Is what i have done for the past 15 years worth anything? These are all questions you have read me ask in the past two blogs.
I am currently trying to get a job. I will get minimal wage and i wont get very many hours because of my age. hopefully, ill be able to save up for a car. These are what i like to call plans. These are my steps to having a nicer, smother life. How do i get money? I get a job. How can i be free to do what i please? I get a car. These are the small things that end up amounting them selves somewhere down the future. I'm sure of it. But, in what i just said, you can see the uncertainty. There are so many unknowns in the future i described to you. Now that is the exciting part. For better or for worse, the life i am blindly sprinting into is thrilling because of that i don't know, and I'm sure ill be able to rely on my wits (and my parents) to get me out of any extremely sticky situation.
I'm not saying I'm particularly happy about growing up. But if we had it our way, we would never proceed in life. Never advance and never grow. I want to grow. I want to eventually be sure in the things i do. Be confidant.
The last post was purely about me not having the ability to have fun when i grew older. Because it seems as if all the fun has been stripped away from me in the past years? After some hard thought, i decided; no. The fun hasn't been stripping away, its been changing. That is why it is impossible for me to see the fun in my future is because it changes into a thing i cant recognize yet.
Through everything i just said, may have got you thinking. 'Wow this kids got it together' well no. I am just an optimistic child with some sort of talent to write. I know how to formulate my thoughts into words and my thoughts are particularly interesting. That's all. I will still fall in the future and i will still need to be led by the hand, but in all of that i will move forward in life. I am so ready to move forward, whether i feel like it or not.
To the faithful reader,
Nicholas Zint
Monday, July 5, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Fun from end to end
I was in the store the other day pushing the shopping cart around remembering the days when i was a lot smaller and ignorant child. I remember thinking, the better i am at driving this car around, the better i will be at driving. So i pushed that bad boy threw the store like i stole it and in the end, i had fun imagining me driving it. That was the extent of that experience, and it satisfied me as a child because it was fun. Was that not what the world revolved around? I thought that was the case.
Of course i know now that your ability to push a shopping cart around does not affect your driving skills. So now, at age 15, i am pushing my shopping cart around for what? Well getting groceries of course, and how fun is that? Not fun at all. This is another part of growing up that scares me dearly. Where will the fun go? Down the drain seems the obvious answer. As a child your life is worked around the ability to be entertained. You can see this at MC Donald's play pins, Barny TV shows, millions apon the thousands of toys that all have one simple goal. To let children have fun.
As i grew older, peoples responsibilities for me were become less and less of, lets get this kid happy, and more and more of, lets make sure he is well prepared for the future. And what will happen in the future, well more preparing of course. For what; College? All college is, is a program that lets other people be satisfied that you remembered all the crap that you should have learned a long time back. Insurance policies basically.
And after that? Jobs, Taxes, fun stuff let me tell you. If my childhood years are meant to be my learning stages, then why was i taught to have fun when the world tells me to settle down? I'm not sure I'm willing to give into this world adults. Not sure i want become responsible for more than my homework. Lord knows i already have trouble with that. Not sure i like what becoming an adult looks like and I'm not sure what i can do about it. Hopefully, figuring that out will be a bit of fun.
To the faithful reader,
Nicholas Zint
Of course i know now that your ability to push a shopping cart around does not affect your driving skills. So now, at age 15, i am pushing my shopping cart around for what? Well getting groceries of course, and how fun is that? Not fun at all. This is another part of growing up that scares me dearly. Where will the fun go? Down the drain seems the obvious answer. As a child your life is worked around the ability to be entertained. You can see this at MC Donald's play pins, Barny TV shows, millions apon the thousands of toys that all have one simple goal. To let children have fun.
As i grew older, peoples responsibilities for me were become less and less of, lets get this kid happy, and more and more of, lets make sure he is well prepared for the future. And what will happen in the future, well more preparing of course. For what; College? All college is, is a program that lets other people be satisfied that you remembered all the crap that you should have learned a long time back. Insurance policies basically.
And after that? Jobs, Taxes, fun stuff let me tell you. If my childhood years are meant to be my learning stages, then why was i taught to have fun when the world tells me to settle down? I'm not sure I'm willing to give into this world adults. Not sure i want become responsible for more than my homework. Lord knows i already have trouble with that. Not sure i like what becoming an adult looks like and I'm not sure what i can do about it. Hopefully, figuring that out will be a bit of fun.
To the faithful reader,
Nicholas Zint
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Growing up
When your little you never think your going to grow up being poor and miserable. At least i never did. I'm not sure what i was really expecting, but i knew life was always going to be better when your older. But now, at the ripe age of 15, I can look back and not recognize the kid i used to be and think, 'Damn, life is not going to be as easy as i thought.'
I think one of the main reasons why children think that there lives specifically are going to be so amazing when they grow up is because there so blind to everything. We (adults) raise our children to be that way. I know when i have a child that I'm not going to introduce them to the birds and the bees until he/she is at leased 10. so until my future child is at least 10, they are going to be blind to that trouble, to that factor that's going to try to step in there way to having an easy life. Nor do most children know money to the full degree. Non of them, hopefully non of yours, have to work a full time job and pay taxes and have bills every month. they grow up asking for a quarter so they can get candy and they get the candy. simple as that. I'm not trying to bash parents saying that there spoiling there children or anything, i believe that this unknowings is important because they haven't developed into a stage to handle those things yet.
I have a gift in being able to point out random crap. It has always been one of my greatest talents, and i grew up living off that talent. people liked being around me because they would start to notice things they didn't before because i was observant and i had a loud mouth. It wasn't till a couple weeks ago that i realized that it wouldn't get me very far in life. No, now i have images of me growing up to be a pot belly man, living in a cubicle pointing out something about the view. the people in the other cubicles would notice what i pointed out and agree, and that was the extent of my talent. that image right there is freaky as hell to me. Is my whole childhood cooked up to be some random talent? what was the point of the past 15 years of my life if i have nothing that's telling me i can be successful. Every adult around me will tell me that I'm pretty good at math, I'm imaginative, i have a good ability to sit down and do nothing for a long time and i have a fast digestive system so it will be a long time until i get fat, but all that leads me to is a cubicle office working for blizzard.
When i was 7, this is what i would say "I want to be a fireman, ice cream truck driver, a pastor"why did i tell myself that? Its because Firemen were heroic and people looked up to them, I liked ice cream men because my parents always bought me ice cream from them, and everyone always had questions for the pastor, i loved questions. But now, another life later, i wouldn't be able to tell you what i wanted to be when i grow up. I wanna be rich, maybe a bit famous and live in a big house and sexy cars and an even sexier wife. but i couldn't tell you how i would get there. i currently wouldn't tell you that i thought that i was going to be a pot belly man who played World of Warcraft as a day job.
It seams as if everyone around me is saying they know what there going to be and they know how happy there going to be doing it. It seams as if I'm the only one stuttering at the words "whatcha going to be when you grow up" It seams as if I'm the only one scared S***less about becoming an adult. Or is it that I'm the only one who has the talent to notice random things and actually give serious thought about those things and has finally come to realize that this is not the world i grew up in as a child. That this world of 'adults' isn't about kicking back and living large, that its about bills and taxes and drama and diseases and cancer and racism. Life is not what it was cooked up to be when i was little and man, growing up stinks.
To the faithfull reader,
Nicholas Zint
I think one of the main reasons why children think that there lives specifically are going to be so amazing when they grow up is because there so blind to everything. We (adults) raise our children to be that way. I know when i have a child that I'm not going to introduce them to the birds and the bees until he/she is at leased 10. so until my future child is at least 10, they are going to be blind to that trouble, to that factor that's going to try to step in there way to having an easy life. Nor do most children know money to the full degree. Non of them, hopefully non of yours, have to work a full time job and pay taxes and have bills every month. they grow up asking for a quarter so they can get candy and they get the candy. simple as that. I'm not trying to bash parents saying that there spoiling there children or anything, i believe that this unknowings is important because they haven't developed into a stage to handle those things yet.
I have a gift in being able to point out random crap. It has always been one of my greatest talents, and i grew up living off that talent. people liked being around me because they would start to notice things they didn't before because i was observant and i had a loud mouth. It wasn't till a couple weeks ago that i realized that it wouldn't get me very far in life. No, now i have images of me growing up to be a pot belly man, living in a cubicle pointing out something about the view. the people in the other cubicles would notice what i pointed out and agree, and that was the extent of my talent. that image right there is freaky as hell to me. Is my whole childhood cooked up to be some random talent? what was the point of the past 15 years of my life if i have nothing that's telling me i can be successful. Every adult around me will tell me that I'm pretty good at math, I'm imaginative, i have a good ability to sit down and do nothing for a long time and i have a fast digestive system so it will be a long time until i get fat, but all that leads me to is a cubicle office working for blizzard.
When i was 7, this is what i would say "I want to be a fireman, ice cream truck driver, a pastor"why did i tell myself that? Its because Firemen were heroic and people looked up to them, I liked ice cream men because my parents always bought me ice cream from them, and everyone always had questions for the pastor, i loved questions. But now, another life later, i wouldn't be able to tell you what i wanted to be when i grow up. I wanna be rich, maybe a bit famous and live in a big house and sexy cars and an even sexier wife. but i couldn't tell you how i would get there. i currently wouldn't tell you that i thought that i was going to be a pot belly man who played World of Warcraft as a day job.
It seams as if everyone around me is saying they know what there going to be and they know how happy there going to be doing it. It seams as if I'm the only one stuttering at the words "whatcha going to be when you grow up" It seams as if I'm the only one scared S***less about becoming an adult. Or is it that I'm the only one who has the talent to notice random things and actually give serious thought about those things and has finally come to realize that this is not the world i grew up in as a child. That this world of 'adults' isn't about kicking back and living large, that its about bills and taxes and drama and diseases and cancer and racism. Life is not what it was cooked up to be when i was little and man, growing up stinks.
To the faithfull reader,
Nicholas Zint
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